I drove over to Charlie’s Truck Stop this past week to fill up with gas and to get a pound of Jake’s sliced cheese. Jake cuts the slices while you stand there and he cuts them nice and thick so when you put a slice of cheese between two pieces of bread and bite into it, you know you are eating a cheese sandwich. I pulled up to one of the gasoline pumps out in front of Charlie’s and cut the motor. Jake did not come rushing out as he normally does, so I decided to fill the tank myself. I thought Jake was probably busy with a customer and I don’t mind getting my own gas, though I appreciate it that Jake puts the gas in for you when he has the time. It’s one of the little extras I like about coming to Charlie’s Truck Stop. I had flipped open the metal cover that hinges over the gas cap and was reaching taking off the cap when Jake came rushing out.
“Let me take care of that for you,” he said. “Sorry I didn’t see you drive up, bit I was on the phone with the tech support people about a computer problem I was having.”
Jake has one of those iMac computers and is about the only person out in our part of the country, aside from Bob Havershold, who owns one. I have one, of course, but mostly the folks out in Soagie are not up on the latest gadgets. Of course, computers are beginning to be more commonplace around Soagie as the children are working with them in school and then decide they want one at home, but the grown-ups are generally too busy with working and keeping things up around the house to have much interest in computers. Most of the folks in Soagie drop into the easy chair after supper, watch a little television, then go to bed early. Computers have not made much of an impression in our area so far.
Jake has his Macintosh iMac, of course. It seems Jake had bought a new computer program to help with his financial records and was having some difficulty in getting it to work properly. “I read up on the users manual that came with the package,” he told me, “But those things are obviously written in a foreign language. When you try to read them, the words look like American, but not any sort of American anybody can understand, certainly not anyone from this part of the country. So I found a phone number to call for tech support and I dialed up. A recording answered the phone and began to run through this long list of possible options. It was thank you for calling our company and we want to be of service to you. If you are calling for sales, press one and if you are calling for from a business, press two and if you are calling from a residence, press three and if you are calling for a designated party, press four and if you are calling about a PC, press five and if you are calling about a Macintosh, press six, so I pressed six and I got another list of options. If you are calling from the Northeast, press one and if you are calling... It went on and on.
“Finally I pressed a number and got a recording that warned me the phone conversation was recorded for quality control purposes and then I heard a live voice, ‘Ow mey ahpliz ‘elp zhew?’ It took a minute to decide what the question had been, then I told the lady I was having problems getting the program to work as advertised. ‘ Cud Aye pliz alve yurezeeriel numer anyure arieacood?’
“Bottom line is the lady at customer service had no more success understanding me than I had understanding her. Through the process she was unfailingly polite but it was obvious we were each speaking a language the other had never heard. Finally I was able to understand she was telling me everything was fine on her end, so the problem must be with me. She thought there was some kind of conflict with another program I have on my computer. I have the older version of the offending program and I needed to call and ask about getting an upgrade. It was getting late by the time I got off the phone, so when I tried the support number of the other program, I went through the phone menu process again with the if you want whatever press a number routine until I finally found what I thought was the department that could help resolve my problem only to get a recording that informed me business hours were nine to six and I should call back.
“It had been my plan to work on setting up my accounts with the new program that night as Maureen had gone up to Jackson to visit with her mother. Obviously I would have to make other plans. Next day I came to a slow spell in the store about two in the afternoon and I placed the call. I went through the standard phone menu routine and, after about fifteen minutes, I got ‘If you are Windows based, press one; if you are Macintosh, press two.’ And ‘If your name begins with Jay, press 15; if your name begins with Ach, press 16...etc.’ I finally heard ‘All our representatives are currently busy with other customers. Please stay on the line...etc.’ So I remained on the line until finally I heard; ‘Ow mey ahpliz ‘elp zhew?’
“There’s no point in continuing with this. Again the nice lady was as helpful as possible considering we were each speaking to someone who had no knowledge of the other’s language. I got the general drift of her suggestions and thanked her for her help. After tinkering with the program and downloading the upgrade patch off the internet, I was able to set up my accounts the way I had planned. Maureen complained that I was working late again as she had something she wanted fixed in the kitchen, but I stayed up late and fixed it anyway. I think there is way too much talk in this country about people having the right to speak whatever language they like in whatever version pleases them. The reason for language is to communicate and, if you can’t understand the other guy because he is speaking some dialect that flatters his ego, you aren’t going to be able to communicate with him.”
END
